We have all watched those Dateline expose shows where grown men were found to have been soliciting teenage girls.  Or the cyberbullying cases by adults that have recently made headlines.  It is tempting to view the entire  internet as an evil place that is just waiting to pounce on your child the moment that you allow him unsupervised on the internet. 

But is a this a case of the evidence being overblown and sensationalized?

According to this article in the NYT, that is just the case.

A task force created by 49 state attorneys general to look into the problem of sexual solicitation of children online has concluded that there really is not a significant problem… Richard Blumenthal, the Connecticut attorney general, who has forcefully pursued the issue and helped to create the task force, said he disagreed with the report. Mr. Blumenthal said it “downplayed the predator threat,” relied on outdated research and failed to provide a specific plan for improving the safety of social networking.

How does one improve the safety of social networking?  Is that something that social network sites have a responsibility to do?

I think that it begins in the home with having a computer in a visible place.  But even the task forces admits that the kids that are the most likely to participate in conversations with adults are those already at risk because of their at home situation.

Much more prevalent and significant of a problem is bullying that occurs peer to peer. 

I read this in the NY Times, where a pediatrician laments the fact that many of his patients seem to have no manners.  I know that there is a subset of parents who don’t discipline their children and think that it is perfectly okay for little Johnny to interrupt conversations, not respond when spoken to, and generally just be rude and self-centered.  But on the whole I think that most parents I know are raising their children to be polite.

I like to think that good manners are just a way of interacting with the world.  Something that does need to be taught, both in words and deeds.  You know the old saying that kids see exactly how you are acting.  This means being polite to people who are serving you in restaurants.  Holding doors open for people.  Smiling and saying thank you when someone holds the door for you.  Offering your seat to someone elderly or pregnant.  Telling your grandmother that you love the sweater she bought you for Christmas, because it really is the thought that counts.

 From the article: the whole “manners” concept might seem a little out of date — until you recast it as “social skills,” a very hot term these days.

 I never thought of  it that way before, and I suppose for young children “social skills” are the same as manners.  However, I don’t agree that manners are out of date.  How can having manners ever be out of date?

I was quizzing my son with some spelling words this week. 

Me: Okay spell “here”

Him: Here?

Me: Yes, here.

Him:  Here like here I am?  Or here like “here” on my head.

Me: Uh, what?

Him, grabbing onto his hair and pulling it for effect: the HERE on my head.

 After I stopped giggling I explained the finer points of pronouncing words correctly.

I love to listen to music.  And since I have discovered online radio stations, I have been plugging in my earphones and listening to music all the time.

But I have realized something.  My work productivity has dropped significantly since I started doing this.  I have found that I can not both listen to music and THINK.  I really wish I had learned this about myself when I was in high school and studying for exams and such.

I have also discovered that if I have music playing in the background that I strain my ears to listen to it, which means that I constantly want my kids to be quieter.  And that is not necessarily a good thing.

Youtube has also been a source of entertainment lately also.  I love looking up old videos that I watched over and over again in my teenage years.  I remember when we first got cable, and MTv was brand new, how exciting it was.  Back in the days when you couldn’t save anything to a DVR, or a VHS tape even, or pause live tv. Does anyone else remember the anticipation of watching Thriller? (Link to the video on youtube should you want to see it.  And relive your youth, too.)  My children still don’t really understand this.  When I tell them that no, we had to actually watch the show when it was on tv or miss it, they stare at me with gaped mouths, like I really was roughing it in my childhood.  Pretty much the same way I remember acting when my mother would talk about sitting around the radio to listen to shows on a Friday night.

I was showing some of the videos to the kids.  They really don’t ever see videos that are out now because there is no way I am letting them anywhere near the MTv of today.  I’m not even sure if there are videos on MTv anymore anyway.  But it was fun to show them some of the videos that I spent so much time sitting and watching, even if they did occasionally say things like, “Wow the special effects back in your day were not good at all.”

Is anyone making any resolutions for the new year? 

I know many people who aspire to lofty goals… lose weight, work out every day, help the homeless, save the world, etc.  And I suppose that there is something about making these big goals  at the start of the New Year.  Starting over with a fresh clean slate.  Remaking yourself into a better version, still you, just NEW! AND IMPROVED!

I have never been good at keeping resolutions. 

This year I decided to make some smaller ones.  Nothing huge and lofty.  Small little goals that are hopefully attainable.

1) Stop saying “in a minute”  and its cousin “we’ll see.”  

2) Don’t say “no” as knee jerk reaction to most requests.  Because then I change my mind and look like I am a big waffler who gives in to whining.  When the reality is that I thought about it and decided I had said no for no good reason.

3) Let the little things go.  Does it really matter if my youngest son wants to wear his Batman pajamas as clothes?  If I let them eat cold cereal for dinner once in awhile will the earth stop spinning? 

4) Yell less, laugh more.  A perfect example of putting this into action happened a few weeks ago.  My 8 yr old son was  holding a large canister of Gatorade.  I had half-hearted asked him to put it down and stop shaking it, but he wasn’t listening.  He gave the canister one final, violent shake and the lid flew off and gatorade powder went everywhere.  Covering his entire face, head, shoulders, floor… a gigantic sugary mess.  In a split second I had to make a decision, yell about the unbelievable PURPLE mess, or laugh.  Everyone around me was silent in the split second too, almost as if they were waiting for my reaction.  I chose to laugh.

5) Turn off my computer.  Shut my laptop.  Put the Blackberry on mute.  Working from home does not have to mean that I have to work all the time while I am at home.  Take time to enjoy the small moments that are missed when sitting behind a glowing screen.  Sadly, this  one is probably the most difficult since I consider myself the ultimate multi-tasker.

 What about you?  Have you made any parenting resolutions for the new year?