Today I volunteered to work at the snack bar at the baseball field where my children play. I will get to show off my math skills. Or not.
One of the mothers who was there said something that I have been mulling over all afternoon. When I showed up at the snackbar she said, “You know, it is always the same people are here. The same parents who volunteer.” I looked around and realized that she was right. I see the same parents over and over again, many I know by name, almost all I know well enough to wave and say, “Hello.” However, they represent probably one-fourth of all the children who participate in the sport.
And then there are a handful of parents who do everything. A handful who coach, volunteer their time and efforts, who lead the league. I am not among that handful, my husband is but I am not. I have too many children involved in too many things for both of us to devote that amount of time and energy. But I feel guilty about it.
Today, showing off my stellar math skills and handing out bottles of gatorade, I felt like I was contributing.
Good for you! Every little bit helps.
Do what you can and leave the rest up to us chronic volunteerers. (yes… that’s a made up word.) We understand. Really! We do!
Comment by Dani — May 31, 2008 @ 8:18 pm
My personal opinion is that I can give more of my time than money, so I try to do as much as I can. I may not always be able to volunteer, but I know that when I can, I give it my all.
Comment by Jenny — May 31, 2008 @ 10:06 pm
You know…being a new band mom at my child’s school I can tell you that sometimes the parents that volunteer form a clique and don’t want the help from the newbies. They like overvolunteering and they like the exclusitivity that it gives them. I wore myself out saying “yes” to everything last year and this year I am halving my time. I found out that it wasn’t appreciated, that they were using me, and that after band season ended not one parent ever included me in any of their social outings. Sometimes money is enough.
Just my two cents and all of the volunteers out there that include and befriend newbies, thank you because it means the world to us!
Comment by traceydanine — June 1, 2008 @ 9:49 pm
It is often that way in our church. It starts chapping my hide sometimes, but I try not to let it, and enjoy the time I can give and give it willingly!
Comment by Christi — June 2, 2008 @ 11:55 am
That is a good way to show you care for kids and your community. People I know don’t really care for their children that way and I feel sorry for their kids.!!
Comment by Kaitlin — June 2, 2008 @ 4:23 pm
It’s me again…
It breaks my heart to hear the “clique” stories but unfortunately, I’ve seen it myself and it ticks me off. I work VERY hard in the places that I volunteer to make everyone feel welcome. If I don’t let the newbies in and teach them the ropes, what’s going to happen when I’m not around any more? Hopefully, the cliquey types will figure that out some day, too.
On the other hand, please don’t mistake familiarity and friendship with cliquiness(sp?). I’ve seen that, too. Yes, the volunteers tend to know one another and socialize outside of the events, but that doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate what you’re doing.
Please keep trying. Your kids won’t remember that you wrote a check, but they will remember you being involved in their activities.
Comment by Dani — June 2, 2008 @ 10:24 pm
I like these replies, volunteering can be a bit complicated and as women “talk” all the stories come out. One thing I notice is it’s intimidating to admit “I don’t know how to do this so can you explain it to me like a Kindergartner because I don’t want to look stupid”! This is my own insecurity coming out. My experience though has been that they are more than happy to explain things, which will help me as I continue to volunteer. With 4 kids of my own, I find it hard to give and give without burning myself out.
There are times in our life when we can give our time, and times when a card expressing appreciation to the PTO President or Teachers is enough. When I notice my family suffers from my overcommitment to things, it’s not worth it.
Comment by Stacey — June 3, 2008 @ 9:15 pm
I know I’m sometimes afraid to volunteer because some organizations (like -ahem!- our church) get too clingy and needy. You volunteer for one teeny thing, once, because that’s honestly all you had the time to do and you really wanted to help, then they spend eternity hounding you and making you feel guilty for not volunteering for EVERYTHING. It makes a gal fear to step forward!
Comment by Brigitte — June 4, 2008 @ 6:36 am
I quit my job two years ago and then took on every possible volunteer job that came up at church and my children’s school. Now I have learned what I can balance, and still have time for my three girls. I try to remember that I am there to help the children and get past any feelings of insecurity or worry about the cliques.
Comment by Melody — June 8, 2008 @ 8:05 pm
You need to remember that really, what it comes down to is the example you’re setting.
You are placing a value on the activities your children are involved in and volunteering to help when you are able.
When your kids look back (trust me they do sooner than they’ll admit) they notice you care and made the time.
Comment by bridget — September 6, 2008 @ 10:58 am
Being a full time single working mom, I often don’t have time to volunteer. I do however know alot of the parent council and so when things come up that I can volunteer with, or just events where they suddenly need help, I do help out…
It’s not just about the all the time, it’s about doing what you can and being active in the community.
Even if that means you can only donate a few moments, or for one event.
That’s how I look at it.
Comment by Amanda — September 9, 2008 @ 8:56 pm
I think there are numerous things holding back new parents from volunteering.
One thing I have noticed (but not yet mentioned) is that, often, newsletters, flyers, bulletins and things (anywhere requests of volunteering help is written) are written in a way that is very clear to the people already involved but either lacking in info or confusing to the “volunteer newbie”/”volunteer wannaba”.
It’s not done on purpose, nor do I ever hold it against someone/a group; but it’s just an observation. Often, the parent needs to call to find out more and that can be…intimidating and put people off. People who look at the written notices asking for help but not understanding what is needed or what to do, are often happy to help when they have a “connection”/someone to ask questions to.
The personal approach is best. Unfortunantly, that’s often not possible or easy. Next, I think it’s easier to send an e-mail of inquiry than to pick up the phone and call someone (sad, but true).
Comment by Anonymous — September 14, 2008 @ 8:13 pm
I can tell you that being a volunteer at my school is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. And yes, in my now 5 yrs at my school it does tend to be the same circle of parents. I’m blessed to be a SAHM and I love helping out. I know there are parents that want to help, but are afraid of committing too much time. I used to be one of them!!
I really want to find ways to let other parents get the same satisfaction that I get from helping out. Our school has a high percentage of working/single moms and I’d love to know how to address them better. I’m part of a special parent group and our whole purpose is getting parents involved in their child’s education…I’ve struggled for almost 2 yrs now to find ways to involve parents more.
Can I pick anyone’s brain out there, lol? The last comment was outstanding – I’d love to have more info like that! Thanks to anyone who can help, it would be much appreciated!
Comment by mintz — September 16, 2008 @ 9:46 pm
I am a single mom and working two, sometimes three jobs, does not give me much time to volunteer. Two of my jobs involve working with children. So when I want to volunteer for something I usually don’t do it at school. Recently though I came to the conclusion that I could collate, make copies, stuff like that at school. I emailed my child’s teacher and volunteered my services. I received a very polite email back stating she likes to run her own classroom and didn’t need my help but I could volunteer to help out other teachers in his school. I was so taken aback that I decided to scrap the whole idea and volunteer at the local hospital. I should have a thicker skin than that, but I’m telling you one bad experience has left me in a place that I don’t want to volunteer for anything else in the school. I work in a different school and our teachers are always practically begging for parent volunteers to help out.
Comment by visasusu — September 18, 2008 @ 4:48 pm