Teen Years | Mommy Points

October 26, 2009

Overheard

Filed under: Children, Chores, Teen years — Chris @ 8:57 am

My oldest son, a teenager, was telling me that he really needs a raise in his allowance.

But, you haven’t even been doing any chores at all to earn the allowance you are already getting, I said.

Well, I think going to school and playing football count as my chores.

Hahaha. No, they do not.

But it got me thinking about how chores have changed for my children as they have gotten older. They simply do not have as much free time to do nightly chores. Chores for them have evolved into weekend tasks that I ask them to do on an as needed basis. It is ironic that now that they are at an age to actually be helpful they have no time to do any of the chores!

Ah, parenting. Just when you think you have things figured out, it changes on you.

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July 10, 2009

Co-Ed Dorm Rooms, Good Idea or Not?

Filed under: Teen years, parenting — Chris @ 12:23 pm

So how do you feel about this?

The University of Chicago, following in the footsteps of other universities, has decided to allow gender-blind housing assignments in their dorm rooms. What this means is that your daughter or son could choose to room with a member of the opposite sex.

Um, yeah. I don’t think so.

Most universities already have co-ed dorms and co-ed floors, so this was just the latest step.

Let me say here that I did share off campus housing with friends of the opposite sex. But it was OFF campus, and we all had our own private bedrooms. It was a perfectly fine experience. In some ways probably better than living with a house filled with other girls. It also provided me, someone who grew up in a house without a father or brothers, a glimpse into the male mind.

Maybe this makes me something of a hypocrite. But then again, I have done ~~lots~~ a couple of things I don’t neccessarily want my children to do.

I suppose my issue with it is that it is a single room and that it is college sanctioned.

But what do you think? Would you allow your college student to room with a member of the opposite sex? Do you think you even have a say since they are over the age of 18?

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June 5, 2009

Summer Jobs and Teens

Filed under: Teen years, Work Ethic, parenting — Chris @ 10:52 am

I remember when I was a teenager every summer my friends and I would be scrambling to find summer jobs. I worked at the local mall in clothing stores, I worked in a furniture store, I babysat, I cleaned boats at the marina. My friends had similar experiences. I remember that the most coveted job was being a lifeguard at the beach. This was back in the days of worshipping the suntan, remember. All in all, summer jobs were not that difficult to find.

With the economy taking a nose dive jobs that were typically reserved for teenagers are now being taken by adults who are out of work. Businesses that typically have hired teenagers are closing down or not hiring extra help.

According to an article at MSNBC:

The Bureau of Labor Statistics’ most recent data shows a continued decline in the number of teens participating in the job market. In April, 38.1 percent of teens ages 16 to 19 were in the labor force, down from 41 percent in the same month last year… the numbers don’t tell the whole story. Some are bypassing paying jobs to volunteer. Others are starting their own businesses. And still others are creating their own work arrangements, such as babysitting for family members…

In other words, teens are doing more than your typical minimum wage job at the mall. Many teens have found their entrepreneurial spirit, realizing that for the same amount of effort they could make their own hours and more money, often doing something that they enjoy more.

If my neighborhood could be taken as a small sample, I have recently had fliers left on my door for yard services, pet sitting, baby sitting, house cleaning, and pool cleaning. Most of which were left by enterprising teenagers. Who says teens nowadays are lazy?

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February 17, 2008

Rewards

Filed under: Allowance, Children, Chores, Teen years — Chris @ 7:53 pm

We had a huge snow, turned rain, turned slush, turned frozen wasteland st0rm come through this past week.

It was really awful to deal with. Shoveling slush, because the snowblower can’t handle it, is heavy and back breaking work. My 13 and 10 yr old sons helped me (Not to self: Buy more shovels so more people can help.)

I had offered anyone who helped double their allowance for the week. They were the only two who took me up on it. We were out there for well over two hours. It was pretty hellish, if hell were a rainy frozen wasteland, which it just might be. We were completely drenched all the way through our coats and gloves.

We called it quits when we had half of the driveway done. It is a horseshoe shape so cars still would be able to drive in and out on one side.

The next day we went to leave and our van was frozen to the driveway. My 13 yr old son had to get the ice chopper and chop the ice from around the tires. I was worried he was going to puncture one of the tires, but he didn’t . And then he had to help push the car while I floored it in reverse.

When we arrived home hours later, I parked the van far down the driveway so that it wouldn’t get stuck again. I went inside with the kids, I was carrying all the stuff. A little while later I looked outside and noticed my 13 yr old diligently chiseling ice from the driveway. Without even being asked. Or my having mentioned it.

And for this I rewarded him with an extra $20 in his allowance this week. Without being asked. Without mentioning it.

I don’t do things like that often so it is always a surprise. No one expects it.

Now I’ll just try to remember this the next time he gives me the teenage eye roll.

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January 17, 2008

Let It Snow

Filed under: Teen years — Chris @ 11:10 pm

It is snowing here again tonight, which isn’t surprising for New England in January, I suppose. It snows. A lot. And we all complain about it like it is something brand new and surprising each time it does.

But I was thinking how now that I have children who are old enough to shovel, clean off cars, and this year use the snow blower effectively, the after snow clean-up isn’t as much of a drag as it used to be. Many hands make light work. And even lighter work when none of those hands have to be mine.
Last time it snowed overnight my oldest son, who is 13, got up early and WITHOUT EVEN BEING ASKED went outside and cleaned off his father’s car and did the driveway so he could easily leave for work. My husband was in the shower and had planned to shovel out the car himself like he always does. My son didn’t even tell us he was going to go do it.

To say the my mouth fell open when I found out would be an understatement. At first when I saw him out in the driveway at 7 in the morning I wasn’t sure what he was doing. It was such a thoughtful gesture.
While we were drinking our coffee inside the nice warm house while our son toiled away in the snow, my husband turned to me and said, “You know, I think this makes all those years of colic worth it.”

Yes, yes it does.

Of course now we can’t help but wonder if he will get up early again tomorrow morning.

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August 21, 2007

What Makes Them Happy?

Filed under: On The Web, Teen years, parenting — Chris @ 11:21 am

Turns out that it isn’t things, money, drugs… or any of the other myriad of things that we fear. Probably from watching too many tv shows filled with supposed teenage angst.

I read about this study a few days ago and have been rolling it over in my head since then.

Turns out that what makes youth, defined as those ages 13-24, happy is having a strong close tie to their families.

Spending time with family was the top answer to that open-ended question, according to an extensive survey more than 100 questions asked of 1,280 people ages 13-24 conducted by The Associated Press and MTV on the nature of happiness among America’s young people.

Next was spending time with friends, followed by time with a significant other. And even better for parents: Nearly three-quarters of young people say their relationship with their parents makes them happy.

I think the study shows us what a great asset a strong loving family. And that maybe we need to remember (we, meaning me) that while our teenage children are pulling away from us and acting like they know it all and we as parents know NOTHING and could in fact probably take life lessons form them and their wise teenager ways, that when all is said and done they highly value their relationship with us.

“It’s good news to hear young people being realistic about what really makes them happy,” says psychologist Jean Twenge, author of “Generation Me” and a professor at San Diego State University. “Research has shown us that relationships are the single greatest source of happiness.”

Virtually none of the respondents said that money made, or would make, them happy.

I think that it would be interesting to further delve into the findings and discover what makes a good family. Why did the other 25% of youth NOT chose their family as the primary source of their happiness? Are their families wildly dysfunctional?

Perhaps the next study. For now I am just hugging this one close to my bosom while my almost teenage son rolls his eyes at me. And not just so my hands are occupied and can not strangle him.

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July 3, 2007

Why Didn’t I Ever Know About This?

Filed under: Ages 10-12 years, Ages 2-4 years, Ages 5-6 years, Ages 7 -9 years, Children, Just For Fun, Teen years — Chris @ 12:18 pm

Did you know that during the summer select movie theaters offer free admission for a children’s movie, or two, per week? You probably did.

I, however, have been nice and comfortable here under my rock.

AMC Theatres offer a free movie on Wednesday mornings all summer long.

Regal Entertainment Group Theatres offer selected G & PG movies start at 10AM each Tuesday and Wednesday during the festival. First-come, first-served seating is limited to theatre capacity. This group of theatres offers two movies simultaneously.

I wish one of these was close enough to make it worthwhile for me to bring my children on a regular basis. Such is the curse of living in the middle of nowhere.

I think things like this are especially appealing to those of us with children who might not be quite old enough to go to the movie theater. My 2.5 yr old might sit through an entire movie without leaving his seat. But he is also might be just as likely to get up and try to run up and down the aisle. At these free showings there is a lot of young children, no one is expecting complete silence, and if it gets so bad you have to leave the theater, well you haven’t lost any money.

Remember to check out your local theaters too. It is always possible that they are doing something similar to lure you in their doors where you will buy the overpriced concessions.

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May 18, 2007

Work, Earning, and Saving

Filed under: Ages 10-12 years, Ages 5-6 years, Ages 7 -9 years, Children, Chores, Instilling Values, Saving, Teen years, Work Ethic — Chris @ 10:49 pm

This week my 11 year old son bought a new mountain bike, with money he had saved from his allowance and birthday gifts. The maturity he showed he in the store, looking at various bikes and the features the bikes had, as well as the price, was something he would not have done had we walked into the store bearing only my credit card. If I were paying for his bike, he would have no reason to want anything less than the very best bike in the place.

Over the past week he and I have had numerous discussions about his impending purchases. He wanted a new bike, a video iPod, and a digital camcorder. He does not have the money saved top buy all of those things. So our conversations went round and round, weighing the pros and cons of each purchase. Him lamenting the fact that he can’t buy everything, because he wants everything.

We have had some enlightening conversations.

“Well, you buy everything you want.” he said to me at one point.

“Do I? Like what?” I had asked.

“I don’t know, but you are always going to the store.” he had replied.

“Yes, it is my greatest desire to buy a 12 pack of toilet paper, cleaning supplies, and food for my family to eat.” He had laughed and I continued on, “I think you are confusing things we need with things we want. I want lots of things, but I don’t buy them. At least I don’t buy them without careful consideration. And usually in the end I decide that I don’t want most of them after all.”

It is a tough lesson. But one that is important for children to learn. If you, as a parent, are the one holding the purse strings the responsibility falls on you to say yes or no to your children’s wants and purchases. They have no reason to really think deeply about what they want. And if they can’t have something, well then it is your fault. You are the one who is blocking them from the very thing that they have decided will give them the ultimate amount of happiness, at least that day.

As parents we want to give our children everything. We want them to be happy. But being parents really is more than that. It is giving them the skills to succeed later in life.

I don’t want my children growing up with a sense of entitlement that I see so many of their peers afflicted with. I want them to understand budgeting and assessing their wants. I want them to have the joy that can only come from purchasing a long desired item with money they earned through their own hard work. I want them to have the pride of ownership that can only come from getting something all on their own.

I remember the thrill of going to the store with my purse full of cash I had saved. I remember my first large purchase. I want that memory for my children.

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