My 8 and 10 yr old sons, along with our 11 yr old neighbor have decided that they are going to open their own business.  What exactly will this business be, you may ask.  They will “do stuff” for people.  Yes, that is the official description of their business.   They are so earnest about it.  Making flyers to hand out around the neighborhood, discussing their business strategy, planning things to spend their earnings on.  Especially the last one.  Oh they have plans, big plans.

We used to have a lawn service come and do our yard.  It was very affordable and efficient.  And best of all, I didn’t have to do it.  But, hello bad economy, I was forced to cut it from the budget.  But the boys?  They are very affordable and made me an offer that I simply could not resist.  Okay, maybe a lot of it had to do with their begging, pleading, and adorable puppy dog eyes.

So, earlier this week I hired the trio to mow my lawn.  Front, back, and around the edges with the weed whacker.  They were positively giddy with excitement and set off with a level of enthusiasm that would have made it worth the money even if the job they did wasn’t perfect.

They surprised me.  First they discussed who would do what and formulated a game plan. 

You pick up all of the toys in the yard and put them in the garage.  You get a garbage bag and pick up all the papers and trash.  (Not sure why my children think it is acceptable to throw their popsicle wrappers and sticks in the yard, but they do.)  Then you mow the front lawn.  He will mow the back lawn. You weed whack while all of the mowing is going on.

Then they followed through on their plan.   My lawn looked good when all was said and done, or at least it looked better than it did in its previously over grown state.  And I do not think I have ever seen anyone as happy to have earned $3 as they were ($3 each, by the way)

I was reading an interview with a child rearing expert who says, “Don’t do for children what they can do for themselves.” 

I have been tossing this around in my brain for a few days.  Do I do too much for my children?  Or do I expect too much from them?  Or have we achieved a good balance?

My children can do alot of things for themselves.  But just because they can, does it mean that they should?

I have turned the responsibility of certain things over to them… cleaning their own rooms, getting their clothes to the laundry room, making their own breakfast (most of the time), picking out their own clothing to wear each day.  However, even with the responsibility on their shoulders I still remind them.  If I didn’t their bedrooms would be condemned and they would be forced to go naked at least once a week. 

Oddly I don’t need to remind them to make their breakfast!  Maybe those natural consequences, like hunger, actually do work!

But other things they could potentially do, such as laundry, I still do myself.  Simply because if they ruin their clothes it will be me who has to replace them. 

How many children ask for a pet and promise that they will take care of  it?

“Please, Mom.  I promise that you won’t have to do anything.  Pleeeeeease?” they plead.

And how many parents do you know who have given in, fully expecting that their children will do everything.  And how many parents do you know who are taking care of the pets with no help from the children?

So what do you do when your child is  begging for a pet.  You want to believe them that they will take care of it, but is that realistic?

My mother tells the story of when she was a little girl, her brother had begged for a dog.  Finally he got one and it was his responsibility to feed the dog before he left for school in the morning.  My mother said that their mother (my grandmother) would remind him once every morning by simply saying, ‘Don’t forget to feed the dog!” and left it at that. Seems fairly reasonable to me.  She was a single parent of three children at a time when it was even more difficult than it is today.

The first time he forgot to feed the dog, my grandmother fed the dog.  When he came home from school that day she asked him why he hadn’t fed his dog and he had replied that he was running late and didn’t have time.  She explained to him, who was old enough to know better, that the dog came first.  It had to be taken care of before he left the house.  She told him that the next time the dog would be going to a new home. 

About a week later he again did not feed the dog.  He came home from school and was looking for his dog.  My grandmother asked him if he had eaten his  own breakfast that morning.  Of course was his reply.  She explained that since he had found the time to feed himself and not his dog it showed that he was not yet ready to have the responsibility of taking care of a pet.  She had sent it to a new home.

Now most of us are not willing to actually give a pet away.  We fall in love with the animal as well.

Important questions to consider

1) How much time does your child have to devote to pet care?

If they are at school all day and have out of school commitments that keep them away from the house until late at night and on weekends, not to mention homework, when will they have the time to properly care for a dog?  Some fish might be the better option for this busy child.

2)At their age, how much can they realistically do for their pet?  How much of the responsibility can they handle?  Conversely, how much of the responsibility are you willing to shoulder?

A three or four year old can not be responsible for feeding a pet all on their own, nor can they independently clean a cage or a litter box.  No matter how much they insist that they will.  If you are not willing to do it yourself, you shouldn’t get a pet.

The older a child gets the more they could and should be expected to do.  While younger children should be required to assist you in taking care of the pet, tweens and teens can do the care independently.  This does not mean that they won’t require reminders.  Which leads me to the next question…

3) How responsible has your child proven to be already?

Are you constantly nagging your child to put their shoes away? or do their homework? Are they forgetful? or lazy? Do you want to add one more thing to nag them about?

For a child like this it might be best to have them work on being responsible in other areas of their life before you allow them to take responsibility for a pet.

4)What will happen if they do not take care of the pet?

Are you really willing to get rid of the pet?  If not, maybe you should start with a small pet like a hamster.  They typically only have a 2 year life span.