We  movedthis  past year from a rather rural environment to a suburban neighborhood. You can’t throw a stick without hitting a kid, a dog or an SUV for that matter. Thus far, it has been a really idyllic environment.   The children have made some really great friends, the other parents are all friendly, the schools are great.

There was one family that I heard about through the grapevine, but my interactions with them had been mostly fine. If you count the 11yr old coming into our house when we were not home and taking ice cream out of my freezer fine.  I gave the kid the benefit of the doubt and assumed it was just a kid making bad choice and after we discussed it, I put it out of my mind.

Yesterday there was a huge blow out between this family and mine. I have been thinking about it all day and wondering what the lesson is that I want to learn from it, oither than to stay away from this family.

It is my sincere hope that if my children ever do something wrong, really truly wrong, that I will believe the evidence. I hope that I will never lash out and attack the messenger. I also hope that I wouldn’t defend my child just for the sake of defending them, when all of the evidence shows that they are lying. 

All kids are going to misbehave sometimes, that is a given.  The way we as parents chose to react over it is the key to raising good kids.   Over and over again this past weekend I have heard other  people say, “Well, those children are a direct reflection of their parents.”  And I thought, how true.  And also?  How sad.

I still feel sort of sick over the whole thing. I feel sad that my children had to learn that not everyone who claims to be your friend really is. My 10 yr old was especially devastated that someone he thought was a good friend would steal from him, lie repeatedly about it, and then try to turn the entire situation around with more lies to try and get other people into trouble.  

I am also upset because I have an active imagination and imagine what these kids will be like in a few years when they are older and have the ability to get into REAL trouble or get others into REAL trouble with their lies.  Of course, there is also a part of me that feels sad for the kids.

This parenting thing, just when you think you know what you are doing something flies out at you from left field.

We have all heard the old adage, “Winners never quit, Quitters never win.”

But does this apply to our kids and their activities?  What is the point where we will allow them to quit something that they signed up for that maybe is not going the way that they imagined it.  Do you make your children push through and continue the activity?  Or do you allow them to quit?

I had one friend, a long time ago– I have been at this parenting things for awhile, who let her children quit activities all the time.  In fact, it was more than norm than the anomaly.  There were countless times that we signed our children up for activities together and say that we were going to carpool only to have them drop out a couple weeks later.  It was annoying to all involved. 

On the other hand I also have known people who forced their children to do an activity that weren’t happy with for YEARS before finally allowing them to quit.  Surely there has to be a balance somewhere between these two extremes.  However, finding that balance can be tricky.

For the most part our family rule has been that if you make a commitment you follow it through.  Though most of our commitments are short lived.  So a 6 week long science course at the nature center that I paid good money for?  You will go to all six weeks and make the best of it. Even if it has turned out to be boring.  You wanted to play a sport?  Well you have made a commitment to the team and you will remain on the team and go to practice and games, with a good attitude, until the season is over.   Decide that you want to take piano lessons but after a few months change your mind?  Well, after setting a specific time period for re-evaluation, you may quit. 

I think I have achieved a balance that I am happy with between letting the children have a say in their activities and teaching them what it mean to commit to something and follow through, even if they are not thrilled with it.  My children might not always be happy about it.

So, what do you think?  Are there specific rules in your family regarding activities?  Will you allow your child to stop an activity mid session if they are not happy with it?