The NY Times recently had an article exploring what the appropriate age is to leave children home alone. Anyone who is a parent has faced this dilemma and I can honestly say that it is the number one thing I have conversations about with other parents of tweens. Hushed conversations, because this topic is so divisive. One friend wouldn’t leave her child home alone until he was 14, while yet another friend allows her 8 yr old to arrive home to an empty house every afternoon for a couple hours until she gets home from work. Both feel as though the other is judging their decision.
As for me I sort of shrug. Both seem slightly extreme to me, but who am I to judge each individual circumstance?
I spent every afternoon home alone when I was a child from the time I was in third grade. And by the time I was in seventh grade I spent my summers and school breaks home alone. I lived on the beach and was allowed to go there everyday. Something I am certain I would not feel comfortable allowing my 13 yr old to do.
As far as my children staying home alone, or babysitting siblings, I have broken them in slowly. Leaving them for short periods of time and gradually increasing the time. I have also discovered that personalities play a huge role rather than strictly age. My oldest son rules the house in absence with an iron fist. He is the rule enforcer. There will be no fun under his watch. I am exaggerating of course, but when I return home after leaving him in charge the house is tidy, everyone is quietly doing something like watching tv, and any snacks or food that were eaten were explicitly served by him.
My next oldest son, who is just one year younger, is all about having fun. He is the one who will think nothing of baking brownies or cupcakes with his siblings to entertain them. And leave every single baking utensil I own laying out in the kitchen. There will have been elaborate games played and toys will be everywhere.
Both of them are great with their siblings, but they do so very differently. And both of their styles are okay. I was slightly more worried about my younger son but then one day we had a kitchen fire while I was home and cooking and he was the one who ran for the fire extinguisher and put the fire out.
I have to wonder if the economy has caused parents to leave their children, who are right on the cusp of their comfort zone, home alone because they can not afford a babysitter or summer camp.
On the NYT parenting blog, Motherlode, Lisa Belkin asks, “At what age would you let your child…?”
She then poses a list of questions to ponder.
Among them,
stay in the car while you run an errand?
go on a date?
see a PG-13 movie?
babysit for the neighbor’s children?
How do you feel about this? Do you have any hardfast rules about what ages your children need to be before they can do certain things or have certain privileges? Did you have any hardfast rules that you reconsidered? And if so, why did you reconsider?
I have a wait and see approach. I have learned in my short parenting time that any “rules” made are sure to be broken at some point. Besides, who knows what my comfort level will be when my child gets to that certain age.
Comment by SoMo — June 2, 2009 @ 8:31 am
Oregon law doesn’t allow children to be left alone until 10 and they are not allowed to be left in charge of siblings until 12. Since my kids are 6 & 7, they won’t be alone until 11 and 12. At that time, we will probably decide based upon their personality.
Comment by Lucinda — June 3, 2009 @ 11:41 pm
I have been struggling with this question for a while now. I am considering letting my 9 year old stay home for an hour watching my 6 year old once or twice a week. I have been really conflicted about this. The 9 year is very responsible and follows rules to the T and the 6 year old follows in his footsteps. I have left them alone for 15 minutes or so a few times and they have done really well. I just don’t want to place too much responsibility on them too young.
Comment by Angie — June 4, 2009 @ 10:42 am
Where I live, in New Zealand, the law says I am not allowed to leave a child under 14 in charge of other children under 14. I believe that 14 could also be the age they are allowed to be at home on their own as well. Personally I would be ok with a 12 year old being on their own for an hour or so. It really would depend on how long and what time of day, and also how capable that child was.
Every child is different.
Comment by marcella — June 5, 2009 @ 5:50 am
hi i am 26 years old and i have a child who is 14 years old and she gives me a run for my money
Comment by tarleshia alexander — June 5, 2009 @ 3:28 pm
I have two daughters and I would not let them stay in the car alone to run an errand until maybe the age of 15? You can’t trust anyone these days and no matter how much you prepare your child for the bad seeds out there, you just never know what they will do when put in a situation.
They will be follow the same rules I had on dating growing up. So they won’t be group dating until 16.
As I see it, PG-13 means nothing these days. Some might as well be R rated. So really it would depend on the movie and I would have to screen it first.
As for being left at home alone??? Really you would leave them home alone before the age of 14??? Maybe I grew up in a house where everyone of my homes practically was broken in to, but I wouldn’t think about leaving my kids alone until they are at LEAST 14.
Comment by Jennifer — June 6, 2009 @ 8:28 pm
Well I think a kid should be able 2 be left home alone at the age of 12 since I think MOST are responclible enough….most parents need to stop be controlling
Comment by Michelle — June 7, 2009 @ 12:31 am
Well now lets see…. I am 29, my oldest is almost 9, and my other is 10 months. I think this all depends on the maturity of each individual child, and noone knows a child better than their mother. that said i will share my thoughts on age appropriateness…
stay in the car while you run an errand?
I will only leave my girls in the car if I can go in the gas station and drop my money and walk back out. Just about 30 seconds to 2 minutes. I f i have to be more that that (never any more than 4-5 minS max) my car is parked wher i can see them both, otherwise they are going in with me. And probably will for another year AT LEAST. And this is not because my daughter is not responsiable but because of other people, you never know what some idiot is going to do. they may hit your car, akd you child a question to gain access, pretend you sent them to bring the child in where you are…and my daughter knows the doors stay locked until I unlock them unless the need to get out for their own safty.
go on a date?
I was allowed to car date at the age of 15, i am unsure about when i will allow my daughter to but its funny because i tell her she is not allowed to date until she gets married and she cannot get married until she is thirty! it used to be a no discussion thing but as she ages she now tells me she has to date first to get to know the person she wants to marry! so i changed it to all the same except i get to pick her husband. It is truly hilarious! I am guessing if I HAVE to give an age I would say 15 1/2
see a PG-13 movie?
my daughter does not go to the movies without me and never has. even at home we watch them together and she usualy only gets the g/pg movies. But she has watched pg-13 already (with me as the PG suggests)
babysit for the neighbor’s children?
hmmm this is interesting because at the age of 10 I was watching cousins and my brother. And I was mean to them as kids are generally. So i think about 12-13 i might let her, depending on the child being watched too.
And last but not least HOME ALONE…
I an guessing that by the age of 11 or twelve she will be able to stay home alone, and since there is a sibling involved it wont be for more than an hour or 2 tops. Of course things and circumstances do change so none of this is written in stone!
mothers and other caretakers please use your BEST judgement when leaving children home alone and with siblings, i have had a pesonal experience where a friend left her 10 year old with her 6 and 2 year old and the house burnt to the ground. The children excaped unharmed thanks to their own smarts, and the mother was only gone for a short amount of time (she sayes), but she has lost custody of all 3 children and the oldest then 10 is now 14 and she still does not have them back.
love your children and respect the age appropriateness of what put on their small shoulders to carry as responsibility. Too many children are forced to grow up too fast, let then be a kid as long as you can!
Comment by Kellie — June 7, 2009 @ 4:32 pm
My husband, mother-in law, and I all disagree on this. Right now my husband works nights and I work days. Some times it ends up that my kids 6yrs. and 8 yrs. are here while dad is sleeping, I also leave phone numbers of who they can call if they need to. To me this is like a trial run to see how they will do when the time comes to leave them home alone.
Comment by Tonya — June 7, 2009 @ 10:10 pm
I leave my boys in the car all the time at the local gas station (mind you, I live in the country), but I lock the door and set the alarm each time. I only go into one gas station because th entire front is windows so I can see them no matter where I am inside of it.
One day, a good friend of my husband’s happened to be down this way and we chatted for a few minutes then I told him to go on out and see the boys while I finished paying. I unlocked the car and unset the alarm with my clicker when he got almost to the car door. I finished paying and walked out to see him knocking on the window and laughing his head off. My oldest (7 at the time) had taken off his seat belt and the middle boy’s belt. He had Zack (middle boy 5 at the time) and the two of them were almost sitting on the baby. Oldest had his arms around both and was hollaring “NO! NO! NO! NO!”
Poor thing, he was terrified, but I was really surprised at his actions, because we had never really had the stranger talk! I would leave him at home, he is mature.
DH said I might as well finish the story. I unlocked the car again (Oldest had locked it back) and went through the “proud of you” stuff and explained who the guy was to them. Then, I said… “Son, this is actually your Godfather!”
Zack (5 at the time) was completely in awe and said in a stage whisper… “AHHHH TRIPP, IT’S GOD!”
Comment by Kelli Miller — June 14, 2009 @ 10:13 pm
I know in my state of Michigan they just pasted a law that you can not leave children in the car under the age of 13 to watch any other younger child. And any child under the age of 13 left in the car unattended (giving you get caught of course)if a crime. You can be prosecuted in criminal court and Child Protective Services will remove you children for Neglect and Failure to Protect your children from harms way.
They can remove child permently from your home. I know a girl who went thru this.
I myself have 6 children total. 3 that are mine and 3 that are my husbands. They are ages 16, 15, 11, 10, 9 and 5.
I know it can be tough with the younger ones and just running in for a minute just to pay for gas. But for the safety of your child, you and the well being of your family. I would just take them into the store.
I know when I have to run into the gas station even just to throw ten dollars at the cashier to pay for gas. As much as I want to leave them in the car because you are only in there for 3 minutes, to hear the whining can I have “this, that or other” can be a real pain in tush.
I would just take them in with you. My children have embarresed themselves many times throwing there tantrums in the gas station because I wouldn’t buy them something!
Also in Michigan. It is legal to leave a child 11 years old and up to stay home alone. Without babysitting younger children of course. And of course that would reflect on the child’s responsiblity level
~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Comment by Elizabeth — June 15, 2009 @ 9:24 am
I always bring my girls (11 and
with me when I run an errand. On a couple of occasions I left them in the car while I dashed in and paid for gas, but I had my eyes on the car the whole time!
I don’t let my girls go to see PG/PG-13 movies unless my husband and I see it first. In this day and age the content of a PG-13 movie is equivalent to an R rated movie from the 1970’s! I get a lot of “Aww Mom” responses, but I feel it is my responsibility as their mother to protect their innocence. Once their innocence is gone, you can never get it back.
I won’t let my oldest daughter babysit until she is at least 13. She is very mature and responsible for her age, so I know she would be able to handle it. Next year she starts middle school and will arrive home from school 30-minutes to an hour before her dad. We are comfortable letting her be alone for that period of time and have established some non-negotiable rules for the time that she is home – lock the doors, call me as soon as you get in, don’t answer the phone, don’t use the stove, etc.
Comment by Winnie — June 17, 2009 @ 8:23 pm
Leaving a child alone at home until they are 15 is not advisable though. A child should be responsible enough to be left alone at home. They have to be mature enough to understand things what could be done and what is not allowed to be done. So they can be left alone at home after the age of 15 if and only if they are responsible enough.
Comment by printmejohn — June 18, 2009 @ 12:33 am
I have 3 children. On a plane never. At home alone my oldest is 12 and she watches her 8 yr old and 4 year old brother. But, only for an hours top. And, if you do have them watch the kids atleast make sure they go through the Babysitters training classes through the Red Cross or in your local area. A lot of Great information. As, far as being less protective that is a wrong attitude to have nowadays read the papers. And, as far as going into the gas station alone you have to think about it if it is very hot weather like california your baby might overheat. Common Sense on leaving your children in dangerous situations. And, Yes the Economy is making everyone have their children help them out in the family. It seems like the norm. When I went to Softball practice one family said that they were moving and had atleast three girls. One a senior will be driving herself to school and the other one a middle schooler she said she would let her go back to the school with her older sister but because she needed her help watching the younger one. That she would have to be home to watch her sister till her mom come home from work. And, as far as running errands for you it depends on how big the town is, how many people you know and what the errand is.
And seeing a Pg-13 movie not unless I am in the room or at the movies and it depends what show is watched.
Comment by megan — June 29, 2009 @ 1:51 pm