I have been having an interesting conversation with a friend of mine tonight. It sort of goes hand in hand with the discussion of free range kids and what we were allowed to do as children.
My husband lived that idyllic (mythical?) childhood where he would go out in the morning and ride his bike, go to the nearby river, play with friends, go to the park, all without ever telling his parents where he was or when he would be home. I often wonder if some of his stories are tainted with revisionist history, colored with a bit of what he wishes were true.
I was not allowed to do those things. I had to ask explicit permission to go places and do things. Reasonable requests were granted, but I was not allowed to go and “hang out” at the mall, ride my bike miles from home with no destination. We lived on the water and I was allowed to go with a girlfriend and neighbor to the beach, where we would slather ourselves with baby oil and fry our skin nice and crispy. So it isn’t like I was chained to my bedroom radiator.
Obviously we all have boundaries with our children. Do you let them go and hang out at the mall with friends? Do you let them ride to the baseball field and hang out with their friends? These are examples only.
I trust my kids much more when they are NOT with their friends. I know I have heard someone else say it before, but when you get a group of boys together it is like their brain power divides. Instead of two boys having the brain power of 2 boys, they have 1/2 of a brain. Four boys, 1/4 of a brain. Something about the mass mentality makes them forget to think.
So I think this is a new area where I am struggling. It is easy for me to assess if I think my children are old enough to say ride a subway. But going to a movie without parental supervision, that makes me break out into a cold sweat.
I was allowed to do quit abit when I was a kid, but my parents had to know where I was and who I was with. I have allowed my children to go hang out at the mall with friends, but I knew what they were doing and who they were with if I didn’t know the friends that they were going to be with there is no way they would be going. I don’t keep my kids locked up, but I dont let them do what ever they want either.
Comment by Aunt Kathy — May 7, 2008 @ 11:58 pm
i WAS NOT ALLOWED TO GO TOO FAR BUT i WAS CERTAINLY ALLOWED TO WALK TO THE PARK AND PLAY, BUT AT THE FIRST SIGN OF TROUBLE I WAS TO GET HOME. I GREW UP IN THE CITY SO IT WAS A REASONABLE REQUEST.
I TRIED LETTING MY SON GO TO THE PARK WHEN HE WAS 9 WITH ONE FRIEND WHO WAS A NEIGHBOR AND SLIGHTLY OLDER(THINKING HE HAD MORE EXPERIENCE TO AVOID TROUBLE). IT TURNED BAD. COME TO FIND OUT THIS SLIGHLTY OLDER CHILD WAS NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING AND THEY ENDED UP GETTING THEIR BASKETBALL STOLEN. THE EXPERIENCED ENDED WITH MY SON NEVER WANTING TO GO THEIR AGAIN WITH OUT HIS DAD. THIS WAS SAD FOR ME.
AT THIS POINT I DO NOT LET MY KIDS GO ANYWHERE WHERE I CAN NOT SEE THEM. MY DAUGHTER IS 6 AND MY SON IS 10. WE HAVE JOINED THE BOYSCOUTS AND THE GIRLSCOUTS. THIS SEEMS TO BE WORKING SO FAR WHERE THEY CAN BOTH DISCOVER NEW THINGS AND PLACES WITH PROPER SUPERVISION AND BOUNDARIES.
Comment by Crystal — May 8, 2008 @ 9:03 am
I was one of those “leave on my bike in the morning and don’t come back until it’s time to eat” kids myself. It’s not revisionist history, it was just a way of life. My parents both worked, and I was home alone all summer pretty much. My Dad worked nights, so he was physically home during the day in case of emergencies. I hung out with the same group of neighborhood friends, and there was always someone or other’s parents/big brother/big sister pretty much everywhere we went in the neighborhood to intervene if we did something “naughty”. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen anymore these days, you’re lucky if you know your next door neighbor! I don’t even let my kids play in the backyard without supervision, and they’re 9 and 7. Things have really changed, it’s sad to say.
Comment by Cindy — May 8, 2008 @ 7:18 pm
I was one of the ride my bike all day, play in the woods all day, stay at friends houses all day kind of kids. I think it’s different now. My 13 yr old is starting to want to hang out with his friends at the mall or at the skateboarding place. I think he may be ready to go to a movie with friends or to go to the mall with friends if I am there in the same building. Like they go to a movie and I am sitting in the back or walk around the mall if I am there, too, and he checks in every once in a while. However our mall had a chaperone rule in effect. After 5:00 PM kids under 18 have to be escorted by an adult. They are very strict about that rule. So if he goes it has to be during the day.
Comment by peepnroosmom — May 8, 2008 @ 8:59 pm
I was a free range child. We are raising our kids on a small farm so they have 21 acres to roam but nothing beyond. I will let them do quite a bit on their own or together but friends are a whole other story. They will never be allowed to “hang out”. Hanging out = trouble!
Comment by The Lazy Organizer — May 8, 2008 @ 10:54 pm
My children are too young for me to make predictions as to how I’m going to parent them when they are older.
But we did purposely move into a house smack dab in-between the elementary school and the junior high. The park and library are within spitting distance, and we can walk downtown.
I am greatly looking forward to handing off a grocery list and sending them on their merry way. I don’t have an age in mind. I think I’ll just “know.”
Comment by crockpot lady — May 9, 2008 @ 12:56 pm
Are you on MDC? I swear I read this same thread on there just a few days ago.
I totally agree with you about leaving the boys alone with his friends. My son is 10 and I will let him walk to the gas station or the local grocery store all by himself and not worry. But if him and his friends want to walk to the library I worry. Boys are stupid when they travel in packs.
You have a LOT more to worry about than I do.. Good luck.
Comment by DW — May 10, 2008 @ 10:03 pm