I have a question for you. Hope that is okay.
I find myself at night wondering what I can do to really make the house run a little smoother and have the kids really take a more active roll in keeping the house clean (this is done on most occasions, but it takes a lot of negotiating before they finally do something). Anyway, I was just looking for a little advice in this department when you have some extra time.
I think the key to having any chore system work is to stick with it. Even though that sounds like such trite and easy advice, we all know that it is very easy to let things slide and the next thing you know your kids aren’t cleaning up their own stuff, mom is feeling stressed and overwhelmed, and the children are balking at helping out.
In my house we are a team. I tell my children that if they all help out we can do the things that need to be done more quickly and then have time for other fun things. Are there times that they refuse to help or stall? Of course, they are children not trained circus animals.
But the consequences of not helping are logical, natural consequences. Want me to play a game? Sorry I had to clean up the entire kitchen alone and now it is too late. You didn’t want to pick your Legos up off of the floor? Sorry, they are now inside the vacuum if you want them you should go sort through the debris in the canister and retrieve them.
Children have to be shown how to do household tasks many times before they are ready to do it themselves. Telling your nine year old to clean up the family room will not mean the same thing to her as it does to you. Sending her off to with the order to “Clean Up!” without instruction will just result in frustration for both of you. Ask me how I know this, better yet, don’t ask.
Break the chore down into small manageable pieces and do it with her until she knows exactly what to do. At first it may seem like it is more trouble than it is worth, but if you stick it out the payoff will be there, for both of you.
Children like to please us. They like to feel important and like a contributing member of the team. So above all praise, praise, praise. Tell them what a good job they did, overlook the things that weren’t done exactly how you would like them. A little positive reinforcement goes a long way.
And don’t forget that earning Handipoints to spend in Handiland is a great motivator for children. And it also takes you out of the equation a little bit more. If they don’t do the chore and check it off on their chart, then they don’t earn the points. Seeing it in black and white (or on the color computer screen) makes it real for them.
Good luck! And the next time my head threatens to spin around on my shoulders, I am going to try to remember my own advice.
Great tips and very encouraging.
Comment by Lucinda — April 15, 2008 @ 9:54 am
Consistency is definitely key to any system.
I’ve also found that when you are working on independent work it helps to have clearly defined expectations. Something as simple as a checklist of what to do to get a room clean taped inside a cabinet door can work wonders. It’s a simple reminder of what is expected without having to hover over your child or constantly give a vocal reminder.
Comment by Princess Momma — April 18, 2008 @ 11:24 am
We just started this system this week, it is actually our “practice” week until we all remember and get it worked out. I am finding though, that it seems my 10 year old is only willing to do a “chore” or help anyone period IF IT WILL ADD TO HER POINTS!! Has this happened to anyone else? If I ask her to do a simple thing that isnt on her list, she asks if I will add it to her points once I log in!
The first time I was flabbergasted! Any pointers on this problem anyone?
Comment by you wacky mamma — August 7, 2008 @ 12:29 am
My kids are only 7, I haven’t had to deal with that…yet. But I can think of a few different ways to address that.
My kids have a behavior chart and cooperate is on there. If you have cooperate on one of hers, tell her that how she handles all those “little things” you ask her to do falls under that. If she balks and fusses at every little thing, her cooperate score won’t be very high-I give D’s and C’s, if they are earned.
I also have on my kids’ charts a “random check” chart and I look at their random check areas (bathrooms, bedroom, playroom and entryway) 3 times a day to see if they are picked up or messy. I could grade the areas but I just use it as a demerit. If I look and an area is messy, they loose points. That way, I don’t have to grade them 3 or 5 times a day on how well they each picked up shoes! I do, still, have to call out reminders but that is getting less frequent.
I might also compare in reverse…if I had charts and cooking was on it, then I’d expect to be graded on meals. If someone couldn’t reach a snack in the pantry and needed me to bring it down from the top shelf-I wouldn’t expect to be graded on those little things.
Similarly, ask her if she gets graded on EVERY little thing in school (and does she only do things she gets graded on)? If the class has a group discussion on something, does she get graded on how many times she speaks in that discussion? Or does her teacher maybe have a “participation” grade that covers how much and how well she participates over the whole grading period?
Good luck,
Gina…
Comment by Gina... — August 8, 2008 @ 8:50 am
We are also just starting this system… let me know if you got any good pointers cause I already know I am going to be in the same boat as you.
Comment by Stacey — August 8, 2008 @ 4:00 pm
When my children ask if they can have extra points I consider whether what I’m asking them to do actually does deserve any extra or not. Sometimes I may give them a little extra, sometimes I say no, it is something that needs to be done just to help the family and can’t have the extra points. I try to help them understand that there are things that need to be done to help the family (unpaid but may still earn points) and things that they do above that that definitely receive an extra bonus or treat.
They are happier to do their jobs than mine in that case.
We work on half an hour a day for each of my 6 children at home, which I explain to them frees up 3 hours of my time if I had to do it all. They have set jobs (I can’t keep track of whose turn it is if they’re revolving all the time) and those jobs average 3 1/2 hrs a week. My 12 year old cooks dinner 3 times a week so he makes up his hours that way. My 18 yr old does all the washing for the 8 of us, my youngest (6) unpacks the dishwasher and 2nd youngest (7) packs it. We’re working on the other 2 (13 and 10) as their jobs (sorting clothes, feeding dogs, rubbish out, groceries away) don’t seem to be adding up to their 3 1/2 hours, so we’re looking at either extra jobs or taking a bit of the load off the two youngest. Everyone knows who does what and who needs to do the job if it’s not done
It’s always a work in progress, they swap jobs every now and then. My 12 yr old swapped with the 6yr old and unpacked the dishwasher, so at 5pm I had my little one appear and say “I’m cooking dinner tonight” !! Needless to say that was a short-lived swap! Sometimes I help them with their jobs, I also offer if they start to complain that they can do mine – 3-4 hrs grocery shopping, run our small business, organise advertising, take phone calls and book jobs, do the breakfast and lunches ready for school, cook 4 times a week, etc, etc
It’s always about what’s going to be helpful for the family as a whole: if everyone does what they CAN do then it helps the family run smoother. It frees up the bigger ones to do what the little ones CAN’T do which means we have a chance of getting a fair amount of the household jobs done. We still have clutter and business papers in certain places in the house so we just do what we can, but everyone has clean clothes, clean dishes, meals every night and more, and the satisfaction of knowing that they have helped the family by doing their little bit. We always make a point of saying Thank You to each of them when they do their jobs so they understand how important it is to us, and that we value their help highly, and we discuss how their help contributes to helping our family and gives us more time to hang out together. They are more considerate of my husband and myself when we’re tired and the Handipoints has given them a way to track their good work and work towards their goal/reward. I don’t believe in bribing, it has connotations of an implied threat (If you do this…, can mean If you don’t do this…) but I do believe in rewarding good attitude and good behaviour.
Hope this description of our inner workings is helpful to someone
Comment by Tanya — August 8, 2008 @ 10:36 pm
I have had this problem in the past. We teach our children to serve others without expecting anything in return. In saying so, I let them know that there are things that they will get points for and some things they will not. Just like in our lives as adults. I encourage them to do things that they will not get points for, to serve others with gladness and because we love them. They seem to understand. Everyone now and then they will ask to add something to there chores. I tell them that if I do add it, it will be a permanent thing and they will have to do from now on. They usually don’t want me to add it. I hope this helps.
Comment by Dee Dee — August 9, 2008 @ 11:26 pm
Well all of the above advise was great! She does now understand that not every body movement equals a point! BUT…now they are “saving” points! By this I mean they check how many they have and if they feel “safe” for a few days, then they wont do their chores for a day or so. I do have demerit points, where if they dont clean up their room for a day it costs them points. My youngest (7) even got into a negative point situation (she actuallly owed points!)So, I had to add that if they got into a negative, they had to stay in their rooms until they did enough chores and brought up the points again. I am thinking that maybe I’m not actually using this thing correctly?? My kids seem to keep finding new ways to throw it all out of whack! They each earn a certain # of points for chores, etc, but it costs them a certain # to watch tv, etc. Isn’t this how it is suppose to work? They also save up handipoints for special toys, etc. that we wouldn’t normally run out to buy (a new video game, etc) Any suggestions on if I have this set up correctly?
Comment by you wacky mamma — January 6, 2009 @ 4:11 pm