I was on the phone chatting with a friend a few weeks ago when my 12 year old came over and asked if he could carry his clean laundry up to his room and put it away.
“Sure,” I had said and went on to continue my conversation.
My friend interrupted, “Wait a minute. Did he just ask if he could put his laundry away? Of his own free will, he is going to put his laundry away?”
I had laughed.
“No, I am serious. You must blog about your secret,” she said.
I assured her that I have no secret. Yet every time I have spoken with her since she asks me when I am going to blog about it.
Last night I really started thinking about it, both why it seems odd that my son would willingly do chores and why he does so. I can only guess that it is because we have instilled in the children from an early age that chores are part of life in our family. That you pitch in and help because you are a part of the team.
From the earliest ages we have our children contribute. My two year old helps clean up the table, carry plates to the sink, sweep the floor. Though his “help” often isn’t really help and makes more work for me, and though I sometimes cringe when he tosses a breakable plate into the sink, expecting his help now means that he will just grow up accustom to to helping out.
As a funny aside, in every restaurant that we were in on our vacation he would take his napkin and brush all the crumbs off of the table onto the floor and ask, “Where is the sink?” or “Where is the garbage can?” He was incredulous that someone else, the waitress, was going to do his job.
So for my older children there is no question in their minds about whether or not they will help or do chores that I ask of them. Does this mean that they are perfect and gladly skip around the house with dust rags and mops, singing song while they work? Of course not! They are children, or maybe I should more accurately say that they are human. Does anyone really enjoy mopping the kitchen floor or cleaning the toilet? Sometimes they moan, or complain, heck sometimes I do too, but in the end they do their jobs and move on. No bribery, yelling, cajoling, threatening is required.
Start the chore habit early when they actually want to help and it will become a habit for life.
This is a good post.
Thanks.
Comment by DW — October 9, 2007 @ 10:41 am
So far, my almost-3 year old will (sometimes) pick up some toys, and she really enjoys getting the outside hose to “help” water plants and wash the car. I better get to work giving her more duties!
Comment by Brigitte — October 9, 2007 @ 11:41 am
I got the same kind of disbelief when I would tell people that my daughter and, now son, pick up their toys when they started walking. It was on the advice of a playgroup leader, if they can walk they can help pick up. The best part is that I have, also, instilled how I like things done. Dictator, maybe, but at least I don’t have the compulsion to go behind them and do it my way.
Comment by Wendy — October 9, 2007 @ 12:28 pm
This is great–my 3 y.o. also puts dishes in the sink and knows she has to pick up her toys if she wants to play with them again. Next on the list is getting her to help with laundry!
Comment by Jessica — October 9, 2007 @ 12:30 pm
Whenever you mention sweeping the floor after a meal it reminds me of a story. When my sister & brother-in-law felt that their sons were old enough to go to an other-than-McDonald’s type eatery, they went out to eat at a local family restaurant. When my favorite second-oldest nephew finished his meal he looked at all the food on the floor beneath him and asked, “Don’t they have a dog here?”
Comment by Kathy from NJ — October 9, 2007 @ 7:46 pm
Kathy,
That is hysterical.
Comment by Chris — October 9, 2007 @ 9:19 pm