We movedthis past year from a rather rural environment to a suburban neighborhood. You can’t throw a stick without hitting a kid, a dog or an SUV for that matter. Thus far, it has been a really idyllic environment. The children have made some really great friends, the other parents are all friendly, the schools are great.
There was one family that I heard about through the grapevine, but my interactions with them had been mostly fine. If you count the 11yr old coming into our house when we were not home and taking ice cream out of my freezer fine. I gave the kid the benefit of the doubt and assumed it was just a kid making bad choice and after we discussed it, I put it out of my mind.
Yesterday there was a huge blow out between this family and mine. I have been thinking about it all day and wondering what the lesson is that I want to learn from it, oither than to stay away from this family.
It is my sincere hope that if my children ever do something wrong, really truly wrong, that I will believe the evidence. I hope that I will never lash out and attack the messenger. I also hope that I wouldn’t defend my child just for the sake of defending them, when all of the evidence shows that they are lying.
All kids are going to misbehave sometimes, that is a given. The way we as parents chose to react over it is the key to raising good kids. Over and over again this past weekend I have heard other people say, “Well, those children are a direct reflection of their parents.” And I thought, how true. And also? How sad.
I still feel sort of sick over the whole thing. I feel sad that my children had to learn that not everyone who claims to be your friend really is. My 10 yr old was especially devastated that someone he thought was a good friend would steal from him, lie repeatedly about it, and then try to turn the entire situation around with more lies to try and get other people into trouble.
I am also upset because I have an active imagination and imagine what these kids will be like in a few years when they are older and have the ability to get into REAL trouble or get others into REAL trouble with their lies. Of course, there is also a part of me that feels sad for the kids.
This parenting thing, just when you think you know what you are doing something flies out at you from left field.
Awwww
I am so sorry for your and your 11yo.
Comment by DW — September 13, 2009 @ 11:10 pm
A true bummer. We went through something similar once, but at least had never thought the people might be friends. That makes it doubly devastating.
Comment by Brigitte — September 14, 2009 @ 8:09 am
For you, I mean, sorry if I wasn’t clear!
At least it appears you’re not alone in your experiences with this family.
Comment by Brigitte — September 14, 2009 @ 8:10 am
This story sounds amazingly familiar – 1 year in in a new subdivision from a rural area, ages of kids, similar situation and similar reaction from family involved. It makes you feel alienated from your street, and cautious about interacting with anyone who may know the family because you “don’t want to get them involved.” It also makes your home feel unsafe. If someone feels they have a right to be in your house, handling you things, without respecting your privacy, what else can they do to you, or your kids?
We have had to teach our children a new motto “you can be friendly, without being friends.” This means that they are allowed to say hi and interact with the child, with MY supervision, for brief periods of time. This is in contrast to the other family, who made a point to turn their backs on me and my children, then talk bad about us to the neighbors. I explained that they must leave immediately if the child or parent gets “mean” or if there is no one around. I also explained that the other people’s anger is not our problem, and if that family wishes to do those things, it only looks poorly on them. To date, this method is working well. Avoidance is impossible, and my kids must learn to interact with all types of people. I just wish I could have protected them longer, and let them be kids for a few more years before having to deal with something like this.
Comment by Claire — September 17, 2009 @ 1:53 pm