“Mom, can you turn the kettle on for me?”

“Can I turn the kettle on for you…. what?”  I ask, fishing for a “please.”

Son looks at me confused.

“Can you turn the kettle on for me… <em>now</em>?”

*****

I related this story to a friend because I thought that it was funny.  They said that I do too much for my kids.  That I am not their slave.  I bristled at this observation, and even though I didn’t think that it was true I started thinking about it.

As parents we want our kids to be independent.  We want them to be able to do things for themselves.  But don’t we also want to model the  behavior of being helpful.  Sure, my son could have put the kettle on for himself.  We were both in the kitchen together.  But he was heading upstairs to take a shower and get out of his footballl gear.  Why shouldn’t I do him this favor?  I feel like I am modeling the behavior that I would like to see in them. 

Yes, I do a lot for my kids.  But I expect a lot from them also.
*****

One day last week I was running around like a crazed person.  I said out loud, “I wish I had a cup of coffee.  I could really use one.”  But I literally had no time to make  it.

The same son I mentioned above said,”I’ll make you some coffee, Mom.”  And he did.  Complete with pouring it into my travel mug and adding creamer.

I made sure that when he handed it to me I looked him right in the eye and said, “Thank you.  I really appreciate it.”

For me, that is what it is all about.  Teaching my children to think of other people.  Making thoughfulness second nature.  Treating them as respectfully as I want them to treat me.   

As I drove away, drinking the weakest coffee I have ever tasted, I couldn’t help but think that it was also the best coffee I have ever tasted.