This week my 11 year old son bought a new mountain bike, with money he had saved from his allowance and birthday gifts. The maturity he showed he in the store, looking at various bikes and the features the bikes had, as well as the price, was something he would not have done had we walked into the store bearing only my credit card. If I were paying for his bike, he would have no reason to want anything less than the very best bike in the place.
Over the past week he and I have had numerous discussions about his impending purchases. He wanted a new bike, a video iPod, and a digital camcorder. He does not have the money saved top buy all of those things. So our conversations went round and round, weighing the pros and cons of each purchase. Him lamenting the fact that he can’t buy everything, because he wants everything.
We have had some enlightening conversations.
“Well, you buy everything you want.” he said to me at one point.
“Do I? Like what?” I had asked.
“I don’t know, but you are always going to the store.” he had replied.
“Yes, it is my greatest desire to buy a 12 pack of toilet paper, cleaning supplies, and food for my family to eat.” He had laughed and I continued on, “I think you are confusing things we need with things we want. I want lots of things, but I don’t buy them. At least I don’t buy them without careful consideration. And usually in the end I decide that I don’t want most of them after all.”
It is a tough lesson. But one that is important for children to learn. If you, as a parent, are the one holding the purse strings the responsibility falls on you to say yes or no to your children’s wants and purchases. They have no reason to really think deeply about what they want. And if they can’t have something, well then it is your fault. You are the one who is blocking them from the very thing that they have decided will give them the ultimate amount of happiness, at least that day.
As parents we want to give our children everything. We want them to be happy. But being parents really is more than that. It is giving them the skills to succeed later in life.
I don’t want my children growing up with a sense of entitlement that I see so many of their peers afflicted with. I want them to understand budgeting and assessing their wants. I want them to have the joy that can only come from purchasing a long desired item with money they earned through their own hard work. I want them to have the pride of ownership that can only come from getting something all on their own.
I remember the thrill of going to the store with my purse full of cash I had saved. I remember my first large purchase. I want that memory for my children.
Yes, yes! It really is important to be frank with children about money. My father engaged in very little discussion about money in front of me, when I was a child. Why was money such a taboo subject in our family? I still don’t know the answer. And money should NOT be a taboo subject. My husband says he will tell our children the straight facts about our household budget once they are old enough to understand it. I am so glad he will. My kids are still quite little (ages 5 and 3), but I think they can already see that while I do have money to buy them the food they need to eat, I don’t often have the money to buy them toys and other frivolities. As far as I’m concerned, they already have all the toys they need, and I think down deep they agree without even realizing it… because they practically never ask me to buy them any. When they get older and start wanting more expensive clothing, I guess that’s when discussions about money and budgeting will begin…….
Comment by Molly — July 10, 2007 @ 9:42 am
I am a stay at home mother of 7(21,17,12,6,5,3,and 2). So there have been many times when our older kids have wanted things and were disappointed but with the 12, 6, and 5 year old we are giving them the opportunity to learn to use their money for purchases at Wal-Mart and the local convenience store. Are you kidding just one treat per person when we stop for gas is at least $10. I remind them before we leave to bring THEIR money if they think they might want something. Then they are the ones making the choices: Do I buy the $1 item or do I keep saving for the $10 item?
Comment by Kelli Postma — July 29, 2007 @ 5:02 am
I have tried introducing a work ethic to my son who is nearly 7. He wants a DS for his birthday and getting co-operation on chores and homework is very difficult.
We started on Handipoints and he is saving 100 points for a DS with a mixture of chores, happy and study tasks.
I have now been accused by school of pushing him too hard as he became upset thinking he wouldn’t get the points on the day I’d put the target of 100 points up. Discussions at home with him have not led to him making the same statements and he has said we do not ask him to do too much.
I think it is important to be prepared to work and save for something you want and to feel a sense of achievement when you have got it but I feel my actions have now been undermined. What do you think?
Comment by Sheena — April 20, 2008 @ 5:17 pm
My 10 year old has been begging for his very own laptop computer. As a mother trying to show a little restraint when buying gifts for my children whenever they get bored with all their electronics (that I would never have had when I was their age), I’ve also had to deal with relatives giving in to their begging. I have finally told all family members that they are not to buy gifts for every occasion under the sun for my babes because they have gotten to the point to where they do not appreciate what they have. Ok, back to the laptop. He has been begging for this laptop and was so upset at me when I refused to give in to this high dollar purchase. I explained to him that if he wanted this laptop so badly, he could start saving his money and purchase his own. To my surprise, he has kept every penny he has received since Christmas and has already saved up over $100 to go towards his new computer. I am really proud of him. His birthday is coming up and the relatives have told him that instead of buying gifts for him they would give him money to buy what he wanted. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him using his new computer by the end of March. And knowing that he saved and purchased the laptop with his own money I think will encourage him to take very good care of it.
What do you think?
Comment by Selena — February 16, 2009 @ 1:53 am
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Comment by superdupermom — February 17, 2009 @ 9:59 pm
I have an eleven year old and she is saving up for a new Nintendo DS, since her old on broke since she spilled orange juice on it. In that case I told her I will try to fix it, but I will not buy her a new one. It is a very fun system and she says that she will use her 5 dollars a week for 8 months and buy a new DS lite. I hear thy are more bright and as she says, her old one isn’t even on retail anymore!
Comment by superdupermom — February 17, 2009 @ 10:02 pm
Do you think $5 a week is too much for an 11 year old, or should I raise the weekly allowance a little?
Comment by superdupermom — February 17, 2009 @ 10:04 pm