Remember when I wrote about Lenore Skenazy, the mother who allowed her nine year old son to ride the subway in NYC alone. She has started a new website, Free Range Kids
Do you ever let your kid ride a bike to the library? Walk alone to school? Take a bus, solo? Or are you thinking about it? If so, you are raising a Free Range Kid! At Free Range, we believe in safe kids. We believe in helmets, car seats and safety belts. We do NOT believe that every time school age children go outside, they need a security detail. Most of us grew up Free Range and lived to tell the tale. Our kids deserve no less. This site dedicated to sane parenting.
Lately, I have had conversations with parents about some of these things, people who do not feel comfortable leaving their 13 or 14 year old kids home alone, let alone allowing them to babysit like I was doing at that age. People who will not allow their children to play outside in the front yard, because a pedophile might just drive by and decide to kidnap him/her. And honestly much of the time I do not allow my kids to do something not because *I* don’t think they are capable, but because it isn’t socially acceptable, like allowing my nine year old to ride his bike one mile to town to get a book out of the library.
According to Stats.org, a non profit no-partisan organization– whose mission is to correct scientific misinformation in the media resulting from bad science, politics, or a simple lack of information or knowledge; and to act as a resource for journalists and policy makers on major scientific issues and controversies–
the reality of stranger abductions is much less than what we perceive:
According to the Justice Department, there are only about 115 such incidents each year.
And while that is 115 too many, it is much less than what the media would have you think.
I will be following Lenore Skenazy’s new website with interest.
I agree with the free range idea. The point is not to be careless, but to let your kids be kids and in allowing them to roam a little, they learn certain rules and precautions that go along with this freedom. If you never allow your child to learn how to safely move about in this world, what will they do whenthey reach adulthood? Even grown men and women have been known to be abducted. It is our job as parents to teach our kids how to get along in the real world. We do not, unfortunately, live on Sesame Street.
Comment by Rebecca — April 28, 2008 @ 5:53 pm
With all due respect, I live in NYC and because we have great public transportation and children often go out of district for school; as well as the zoned school may be 1 mile or more away children often take public transportation (subway & bus) to and from school and after school activities.
Chris says: Diane, I think you are exactly right. Those of us NOT living the big scary city are intimidated by the public transit system, so to imagine putting our kids on it seems unfathomable.
Comment by DianeC — April 28, 2008 @ 7:45 pm
I completely agree with this concept. It’s just funny that it has a name! We live in the San Francisco area and while we hear or fear those crazy stories too, my husband and I both agree that our job is to guide our kids into adulthood and part of that is teaching them to make smart choices as they go out into the world. Part of that is also to have fun! So, we let our 13 year old babysit, ride his bike to his friends’ houses (he calls us when he arrives) and walk to a neighborhood deli on days off from school when I am at work. He is empowered and safe, nor are we blind to the potential safety issues that we face when allowing him this freedom.
Comment by Wendy B — May 6, 2008 @ 12:58 am
I have ADD and to read the initial comment was excruciating. Too long and started to sound many times like “wa, wa, wa.” Don’t take me wrong, I think the article was right on.
There are a couple of points I wanted to make.
It’s very true, if we don’t loosen the leash they will never be able to grow wings and fly. It’s our job as a parent (as hard as it is) to do this and as they grow and prove they are responsible then we loosen it more. It’s our job also to educate our children about predators and to be very concious of our surroundings (being aware of all that’s going on around you is HUGE!) It’s also our job to educate our kids NOT SCARE THE CRUD OUT OF THEM!
That’s almost impossible for me. I really wish I could take my own advice! I’ve been molested by my father and my daughter was molested by her father. When the people who are supposed to protect you, violate you (and then way worse for me my baby got it too) it makes it almost impossible to trust. It IS NOT in my ability to teach my children to trust anyone but me. And you can absolutely tell.
I may not trust (almost) anyone, accept my girls (14 & 18yrs.) Therefore I do my very best to teach them to be street smart (we live in Santa Barbara, CA so there are tons of homeless people and if I had to estimate I’d say 98% are all drugged out! When people are on those kind of drugs the can change in a split second.) So we also practice what to do if something happened. So many times people (including myself) need to practice yelling NO, STOP, FIRE (everyone looks then,) because it feels very uncomfortable. You’ll find if you do it with your children, it gives you an automatic sence of impowerment. It also helps to give us courage. BIG SUGGESTION: if you do this, go with your kids and warn the neighbors what’s going on and why. The first time I did this experiment I didn’t tell the neighbors and they thought I was killing my kids and called the police. (The police just gave me a pat on the back, luckly.)
Please don’t forget-BE SENSITIVE to our children. Educate them well and don’t make them scared to walk out the door, it’s true about abductions, sure it happens but so doesn’t tornados, car recks, ect. But you are much more likely to be in a car accident than to be kidnapped.
Sorry one more thing, try to use positive words or phrases like “while you’re at the bus stop, if there is a wall or something to block your back, you should stand there so you have a clear view of everything around you” instead of “GO STRAIGHT TO THE BUS STOP, DON’T TALK, DON’T SMILE, ect.” It just makes them paranoid. I work with kids, and I asked them all what they are most afraid of. The answer floored me! “STRANGERS,” were most of their answers. And they didn’t say it like someone who says they’re scared of snakes, they said it in an even more powerful way. Like every stranger is a devil. They were seriously disturbed over it. Please keep that in mind when you’re teaching your kids.
Jeez, I thought I said I had ADD. All fellow ADD/ADHD friends, SORRY.
Comment by CARMA — May 8, 2008 @ 12:49 pm