Last week when I was on one of the many. many airplanes that I crisscrossed the country in, I had a conversation with a man sitting next to me. His children were both grown, in their mid twenties, and he was lamenting the fact that neither of them had jobs, real jobs. They were both still sort of floating through life, having graduated college, but still having no idea what to do for themselves. he said it isn’t so much that they haven’t found their dream career yet, as it is that they are not even looking for it.
He blamed himself. He said that when he was younger he had to work his way through college. He had no choice but to get a job after college. In fact, it was never even a viable option to NOT get a job. But yet with his son and his son’s peers, not having a job is completely acceptable. He attributes this to parents giving their kids everything resulting in a generation of kids who feel a sense of entitlement.
It was a great conversation. It is tempting to give our kids everything, simply because we love them and want to give it all to them. We want their lives to be easier than ours were. But at what point does helping our kids really hinder them?
Maybe by giving our kids everything we are missing out on giving them the biggest gift of all.
I totally agree. At some point, we must kick them out of the nest and they either fly or fall to the ground. Either way I think they will do fine as long as we give them the tools they need to survive this world.
Comment by SoMo — July 24, 2008 @ 3:17 pm
Then again, it wasn’t like my parents deprived me, on purpose, of things they could have given me. They just didn’t have that kind of money! I think that in general, our generation can afford more trinkets and doodads than our parents could, and we love giving our children all the things we wished for and could never have, not even making them wait for birthday or Christmas – until it all blows up in our faces.
Comment by Brigitte — July 25, 2008 @ 5:38 am
I’m asking for advice in this area as sometimes I think I’m too hard on my kids. I grew up having a good work ethic and I want my kids to be hard workers. I let them do a lot of playing in between their school work, but I also insist that they learn responsibilities by having chores. I often worry about my 9 year old boy – he really doesn’t like to work or do school work and takes forever when he’s doing either of these things.
Comment by Tammy — July 26, 2008 @ 9:53 pm
This is a topic that I have been pondering for awhile. With the help of handipoints my children (3) are doing their chores and helping around the house. I to, was thinking that they did not have to work for anything. I think this is a bigger problem then people think.
Comment by Gregg — July 30, 2008 @ 8:14 pm
You know it’s funny, my father some time ago asked my older bro why my bro gave his kids everything they asked for. My Bro’s response was – because I can and because you didn’t give it all to me. (My parents took offense! LOL!) My bro’s children (17 and 15) suffer the “Entitlement Attitude”, in that neither feels the need to work beyond the minimums and the oldest hasn’t held a job for more than a week (at 17.) My sis’ kids (22 and 15) are careless with the things they are given, and care for the things they buy themselves!
On the opposite side, my kids are much younger than his but they work for what they get, I feel horrible making them work when I can just give it to them, but at the same time I kinda want them to understand things don’t just come easy – though I do reward with the special treat sometimes.
Months later in a conversation with my mum, she asked why I made my kids work for things (implying it wasn’t right or wrong,) and I told her that I remembered working for the things I wanted and learning the value of a buck and the pride of hard work.
I don’t know who is right, but I do know that only time will tell if my kids resent me for making the work!
Comment by Grumpy72 — August 1, 2008 @ 10:55 pm
Tammy, Our son at 3yr collected trash from bedrooms as one of his chores. (Grateful to great grandma with her suggestion and assistance.) His reward: Helping his great grandma. He LOVED it. He looked forward to Tuesdays. I disagree with no chores for a day reward (seen on top 10 rewards) until they are established with doing rewards. It takes a person 21 days to make something a habit. As for school, we home school and I let him get his scheduled work done in specific time frame for the day with a reward. It can be a friend over for specific amount of time. (usually 2 or 3 hours). Could try a time frame for homework and specific reward. Ask him what he’d want and work with him. Does he struggle with school work or breezes through it? Keep us posted.
Comment by Nan — August 2, 2008 @ 7:57 pm