Comments on: Could We Be Parenting All Wrong?

By: Claire

Claire — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 20:23:24 +0000

I have three children, and the “discuss and decide” method is out the window in this house. If I spent time for every offense to have them explain themselves I would never get past breakfast. We have rules, they know the rules, when they are broken there is a penalty. No discussion. No negotiation. I have seen the kids of too many “nice” parents allowing their children run the house, a responsibility no child can handle, leaving the family in chaos. What works best for us is firm rules and consequences. I have often heard the “I hate You!” and “Your mean!” song many a time. I am old enough and wise enough to know they do not mean it, but simply venting and looking for a reaction. At the end of the day, telling them that they are always loved, even if what they did was wrong, along with a great big hug usually get them to understand that when we know they are trying hard to do their best, and so are we.

By: Brigitte

Brigitte — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 10:54:26 +0000

So . . the kids who were beaten with a strap behind the woodshed end up liking their parents MORE? I think Alfie is basing his theories on some flawed statistics, there.

By: tammy

tammy — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 19:40:46 +0000

you tell your kids that you are the nice parent because we do not allow phone calls after 8 and our kids 12 and 13 do not have cell phones so no texting either. i am the real mean mom just ask my kids

i also agree that i am not here to be their friend i am here to be their mom and help them to grow into healthy happy adults that may someday look back and say that i was a good mom

By: Sharon

Sharon — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 18:29:04 +0000

This is slightly off topic, but how do you handle kids who interrupt? I find that I am constantly reminding my children not to interrupt me when I am talking or their siblings when they are trying to say something. There are only two children in my house and sometimes all the talking makes it so no one can hear what the other is saying? How do you handle that with more children and children of varying ages like in your home?

By: Ani

Ani — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 17:24:29 +0000

I preface this with the acknowledgement that my kids are younger, at ages 9 and 4.

In that article, Alfie sure does not address what to do when the recommended Autonomy Support (explain your reason, involve them in the decision, etc) does not result in agreement and respectful compliance. Most of the time it still leaves me wanting to tear out my hair and drink copious amounts of adult beverages.