We all want to have good relationships with our children, especially as they grow older.  Most of us who have older children would agree that parenting and disciplining toddlers was more straight forward. I think it is this desire that leads to the number one mistake that parents make with their older children:

1) Being a friend and not a parent. 

Studies have shown that kids want to have their parents act like their parents.  They want direction and guidance.  They want boundaries.  They have enough friends.

2) Not being consistent with rules or consequences for breaking them. 

If you overlook your child breaking a rule repeatedly you can not suddenly decide to enforce the rule and expect them to understand why.  By not reacting the first time the rule is broken you are setting them up to test you.  I mean, why not?  Sometimes they get away with it and for tweens and teens that is good enough.

3) Not making the punishment fit the crime

Your child breaks curfew, an appropriate punishment would  be not being able to go out the next weekend.

Failure to do a school assignment might mean staying home on a Saturday night to complete the work.

Not doing their chores properly, or at all, might mean waking up extra early to complete them before school.

You can be creative.  And sometimes it will feel like it is just as much of a punishment for you.  

4)  Not being respectful. 

Treat you tweens and teens the way that you want them to treat you.  Model good behavior.  Don’t rant,  rave and slam doors.  Unless you want them to do the same.  Listen to them when they speak to you.  Let them know that their opinion, thoughts and desires matter to you.

5) Losing your sense of humor.

 My motto is: You might as well laugh.  A sense of humor can diffuse the most tense of situations.